Bless my parents, I love them, but as far as messing me up, they did a good and proper job. A little background:
I’ve been reading Tina Zion’s Advanced Medical Intuition book, and listening to her self hypnosis track every night as I go to sleep. It’s been amazing and so transformative. I’m also deep into Sherrie Dillard’s Mary book, which has given me the stability and strength to get right down deep into my dragon’s cave and go forehead to forehead with my beloved shadow.
Today at breakfast I was listening to the self-hypnosis track and realised that being a professional Tarot reader is actually quite an embarrassing thing to admit to, and maybe that’s why I’m not succeeding as fast as I want, and most definitely that relates back to my draw-droppingly awful childhood. People don’t actually believe or want to hear how bad it was, not even in a ghoulish “oh my God look at what the ambulancemen are scraping off the tarmac” kind of way. Nuts.
Focusing is a technique that everyone, and I mean everyone should have. It should be taught at school. It allows you to sit and chat with your darkness. My shame and I spent some time together this morning; I wanted to hold her hands, I kept telling her how sorry I am. It was really hard just listening to her and not impulsively healing her. She kept showing me how the shame I’ve felt since my earliest childhood is tangled up with all my other negative emotions (guilt, anger, grief, fear and the rest) and prevents me from moving on. If that’s not a precious jewel, I don’t know what is. So grateful.
Looking at the Tarot reading above, I’d say this is the intro to what I’m experiencing right now. Look at how all but the Sun card is reversed, and the child is moving backwards. At first I thought that I had just picked up the cards upside down, actually I should re-reverse them all, but then I remembered that the Tarot is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS right. The top cards are conflict, unfulfilled wishes and a sense of never-ending struggle, never reaching an end. How do I resolve this?
Troubles at an end (10 of Swords Rx). The worst is over. You just keep putting one foot in front of another (Page of Coins), accept the flow of life (2 o Coins) and do not revisit the past like an idiot (badly dignified Fool). Beware feelings of victimhood (8 of Swords) that lead to conflict (paired with Queen of Wands). The only way is up, baby. Yey.
How could I possibly give up the Tarot? It’s my super best friend.